Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
