You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
