I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm bleeding and have questions
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
