We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
