I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
