I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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