party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
why is half of my head shaved?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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