I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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