do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
