Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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