At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
