so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize