I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
