Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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