My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
