apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
