Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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