God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
