Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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