They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
