I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
