i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
