Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
