i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
