I wish life had little blips of pornography
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize