dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
