Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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