I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
