I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
