porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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