were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize