You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
