I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
