You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
