If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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