oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
