The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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