I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
