So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
