where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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