you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
