Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
