But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hippo gnu deer
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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