This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize