ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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