sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
