and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
