why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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