Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
