So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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