She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
