Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
