dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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