so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
