Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
