Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
