come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
