would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
