So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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