Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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