Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
