Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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