you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
you are never too drunk for berry picking
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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