I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
