So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When are your genitals available?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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