i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
