A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize