yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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