I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
