Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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