her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
