i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
