come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
