My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
