I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
